khuang2:

I guess all my life i hated when people said i was so “asian” since i wanted to be an individual… that i purposely tried to stray away from it, trying to brush off stereotypes, but at the same time brushing off the Asian traditions my parents hold, accidentally.

America is such a cute little…

ramble:

i never really had many asian friends growing up. for some reason, at duke ~90% of my friends are asian. i never really felt “asian” because i wasn’t ever the straight a student, the tennis player, the amazing pianist or violinist or chess player. my teachers never liked me and i even though i enjoyed school, i found it difficult and never did as well as i was “expected” to. i chose swimming as my sport - definitely a “white” sport. i preferred partying and shopping to studying and concentrating on academics. yet, i was always proud that, at least on the outside, i was and am definitely asian. i think, as my mom puts it, it’s important to realize that no matter how much we assimilate into “american-ism” and no matter how “white-washed” we become, we are still asian - in our appearance, in our capabilities, in our history, and in our blood. i think that’s important. i am an asian american and proud that i can easily be recognized as such. it wasn’t until i came to duke that i realized that not only did i look asian, but that really my culture means so so so much to me. the foods that i like best, the cultural values i hold, the pride i have in my ethnic history, etc. these all reflect what i am at my core. an asian american. i’ve realized that even though i can’t write the characters in my native language much better than a 2nd grader, and even though i speak with a more and more obvious accent, that doesn’t take away from my asian american-ness. sure, i’ve grown up in america and am a citizen of the united states. that doesn’t mean i’m not asian as well. i’ve made up my mind that my children will learn chinese. they will be able to speak, read, and write at least as well as me. because i think that it really will be a pity if i can’t do better. on the outside, they will be labelled as asian. if they can’t connect that with who they are inside … i am afraid of compromising their identity. 

basically…

i love my asian american-ness. oftentimes i feel stuck in the middle with nowhere to belong. but the beautiful thing is that i always know that in reality i am both fully asian and fully american. i love the two sides of my identity - the two cultures, two ethnicities, to histories, to traditions. i wouldn’t have it any other way.